We’re On the Highway To… where?

ROTTERDAM – We’re all on the crazy train to dystopian urbanism, stacked like boxes in cities angrily tweeting about the political elite and how they all fucked us over. We’ve come to the point where we prefer strongmen over endless debate. Left- and rightwing have entrenched themselves so deep their political message feels like a voicemail, and they’ve just left the building.

Duterte has killed over 3,000 people so far, and by now it wouldn’t surprise me if he himself shot a few of those unfortunates. Meanwhile, masculinism fetishist Farage is raving about how Trump prowled the stage ‘like a silverback gorilla’. Trump is outraged that women are accusing him of the things he says he does. His voters are screaming murder, and it’s all a big conspiracy.

Everyone is in on it. Hillary, Obama, the banks, the media, that guy that lives down the street, your Mexican garbage man, and that annoying little shit you see at Christmas dinner. I get the idea Trump voters feel like they’re left out of some global joke on their expense while the rest of us can’t stop grinning and tell them there’s nothing going on.

Wikileaks has been co-opted by an angry Russian whose KGB editorial staff is now planning the latest e-mail leaks of the Hillary campaign. Assange is left mumbling incoherently about ‘transparency’ and still maintains the claim of neutrality in terms of editorial interference. I still find it ironic that the organisation whose deity is transparency isn’t at all transparent about their political motives.

Britain has en masse voted for Brexit according to Prime Minister May, and the 48% is her neglected child. Everyone is slowly realising that the disaster that everyone with any knowledge claimed there would be, finally arrived. The pound is tanking, Scotland is leaving, and the EU is adamant on making Britain into an example. UKIP members are beating each other up and Jeremy Corbyn’s still unelectable for some reason.

Russia is preparing for nuclear war. No one outside of Russians really understands why but Putin surely has a good case. A national-wide emergency exercise involving 40 million civilians is well underway. I don’t even know where the nearest nuclear bunker is.

Alt-right, the first political ideology to have come off the Web, reminds us of why the Internet should mostly be used for photos of cats that look like Hitler. White anxiety is finally reaching a boiling point ‘cause of all the coloured people and their outrageous ideas on emancipation. Paradoxically, alt-right is also enraged because there’s not enough emancipation amongst non-whites and it’s all very confusing.

Ken Bone likes pregnancy porn, which is beautiful because pregnant women are indeed glorious carriers of life and…- wait, we’re supposed to be outraged and/or ashamed? America’s red-sweatered favourite uncle turns out to be less like Santa Claus than initially thought. Unfortunately for Uber they’ve already signed him on as a mascot.

There’s good news on the front of climate disruption. CO2 emissions are going down! Not that it’s going to do us any good in the coming 20 years. But hey- we can always just go to space. Elon Musk and his SpaceX programme have dawned a new era of space travel, or at least they’ve started on a very inspiring media campaign. I’m still waiting for news on the space elevator.

In a rare move of progressivism, my country wants to enable euthanasia for people tired of life, force mentally ill women to take birth control, and also the state can take your organs unless you specifically tell them they can’t. I’m actually in favour of all these policies but if I describe them otherwise I can’t make a Brave New World reference.

The world is seemingly changing rapidly now. Everyone in media is having a field day with all the sensationalism and I don’t know anymore how much is hearsay and what will look different once the dust settles. At least my identity isn’t rooted in nationalism or skin colour, otherwise I’d be very nervous right about now.


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