ROTTERDAM – Let it first be established that homosexuals cannot be real men. If confronted with the challenge to be a better man you have to take woman out on a date. After all, homosexuality in itself poses a threat to the traditional man: in its most restricted conceptualisation as a dialectic definition, masculinity automatically excludes homosexuality and groups it on the other side. Homosexuals are not *real* men. They do not possess the features associated with the idea, and evidently, the Art of Manliness would agree with that presumption.
Although Australian comedian Steve Hughes once remarked that it is actually very manly to be gay: heterosexual men desire those subtle lines of the breasts and the softness of femininity. They want that soft pussy as Steve put so eloquently. Dave, on the other hand, wants a grizzled bloke with a hard cock. Is that a bit too hardcore for you pussies? Go and play with your titties you fucking gaylord.
Straight, it’s the new gay.
A man has many roles in his life-leader, father, brother, friend, and so on. Yet there’s one name that fewer and fewer men may be called by: lover. Manliness is often ranked by how many random women a dude can bed. But one of the things that separates man from the beasts is the ability and desire to focus his romantic energies on one woman at a time. Being a lover and romancer is something that makes us human, not just another mammal on the Discovery Channel.
Real men don’t bang, or screw, they make love on a rug of a grizzly bear they shot themselves, in front of a fire kindled with wood from the tree out back. I find it amusing that monogamy is presented as the feature that seperates us from beasts. Romantic monogamy, (e.g. marrying your one true love until death will us part) is a relatively recent invention. Marriage and by extent monogamy was an economic institution until some 200 years ago. Not to say that the people in the past did not love, but they were slightly more pragmatic, I think. Personally, I adore the romantic spirit of the last 200 years, as unrealistic as the expectations that come with it tend to be sometimes.
We (read: we as in we in the Western World) live in an age and a place where we have the luxury of looking for love and meaningful connection without the necessities that defined monogamy in the past, and we should be grateful for that, without exaggerating the grandiose expectations the commercialisation of romanticism has brought upon us.
Maybe I am, like the Art of Manliness does, romanticising a hypothetical past without the constant pressures of modern life. Without the billboards, the Hollywood romantic comedies that tell us we could be running into our one true love any moment now. And once we do, that person will rock the boat and change our life. We will have one pivotal moment of drama after which we’ll walk or ride or fly into the sunset never to be separated again. But, before all that, you’ll have to get started somewere:
There is no better tool in the romantic man’s arsenal than the date. The date’s structure allows a man to show off his ability to woo a lady. Unfortunately, few men have been taking on the challenge of being lovers these days as our dating abilities have become infected with the plague of hanging out.
Dating and the Single Man
We’ve previously discussed the way in which “hanging out” has largely supplanted dating these days. Young people hang out in groups of friends and “friends with benefits” and rarely pair off for an official date. There’s nothing wrong with hanging out, but it’s not a substitute for dating. Dating is the way you find a woman you’d like to have an exclusive relationship with. Exclusive relationships are one on one affairs, so there has to come a point where you leave the comfort of the group and start getting to know women on a one-on-one basis.
This is another example of the lamentation of the breakdown of genuine communication in the modern age. Did Tinder really change dating? Did online dating websites revolutionize it before? Before that there was speed dating events, and before that people posted ads in the newspaper. I think some still do, actually.
However, the modern drifting dude (DEFINE YOUR CORE VALUES) hangs out with people aimlessly. A Real Man dates. So let’s see how he goes about it.
Take a Woman a Date
Dating has fallen into such disfavor that we should perhaps give a primer on what a date is. At it’s most basic, a date must include the “3 P’s” to be official:
1) Paired off
2) Planned ahead
3) Paid for
The “paid for” and “paired off” business isn’t as important for the fellows already in a long-term relationship as it is for the single gents, but for both groups of men, the planning ahead part is crucial. You need to try to cook up something cool for your date.
But keep in mind that a date doesn’t have to be expensive or formal. With a little creativity you can come up with an inexpensive, yet creative date that will really impress your lady.
A woman needs to plan ahead too. So you are hereby charged with asking a woman out in the next 24 hours. You then have the rest of the week to plan a killer date.
Not only are you restricted in who you get to take out on a date on your quest to be a better man, but you’re also paying for it. Per definition. Paying the tab or the dinner bill is very manly, of course. The stubborn culture of buying drinks for girls in bars is so pervasive that I just stopped years ago. There’s no reason for me to buy a person I don’t know a drink in order for me to engage in conversation with them.
Now, supposedly I would be familiar with the woman I’d take out on a date, and my ego would probably put me in a predicament and make me pay for dinner, even though I am probably not financially better off than the woman I’d be dining with, and neither do I find myself less of an engaging conversation partner that I’d have to compensate for my anti-social behaviour by paying for the entire dinner.
Well, maybe that’s just me. However, I am charged with asking out a woman on a date that has “3 P’s”. Thing is, I kind of really don’t want to do that now. Maybe I’ll just take charge myself and don’t buy a pretty girl dinner. I’ve been told having principles is very manly, after all.
Man-meter: I am taking a manly stand against paying for dinner. It feels good.