LONDON – Day 6 is coming up.
None of us need reminding that the economy is in the tank right now. In this tight job market, every small thing can mean the difference between landing a job and being unemployed. Today we’re going to focus on one of those “small” things: our resume. I don’t know everyone’s story out there, but I’m sure many of you are looking for work. And having an updated, sharp looking resume is an essential part of networking like a man.
So, the first question I really want an answer to is: what are the other essential parts of networking like a man? Luckily, the Art of Manliness is a gift that keeps on giving. Essentially, it’s like networking, only manlier. “What the f*** does that mean”, I can see your brain go. Well, getting fired is a huge blow to a men’s ego. Unlike women, we men define ourselves often by our jobs. Our self-worth as the bread winner of our families is the backbone to our sense of self. Being unempoyed is like losing one of your testicles, really. Did you know that you can get depressed as a men if you lose your job? Depressed. That’s serious stuff. As the serious man I know you to be, you want to prevent these calamities from happening. So, what do we do?
So, step one of networking like a man is to get into the networking spirit. I know what you’re thinking,- that would be networking. However, there’s something specifically manly about this networking spirit. So, like this nugget:
Give others the opportunity to help you by letting them know what you are trying to accomplish.
The next thing you do is to become aware of your networking tools. So, if you’re not on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and MySpace yet, you better get started. Start a blog, too, if you’re at it.
Now, a very manly network is not only high-tech “above the shoulders acidity” as coked-out Wall Street guru Mark Hanna in the Wolf of Wall Street said. Another big networking thing is the handshake. Or the phone conversation. You know, calling people.
The last step in networking like a man is looking professional. And updating your resume makes you look the part. So, now that we have established the essentials of manly networking, let’s get to it.
Today’s task is to update our resumes. If you don’t have a resume, then today’s a good day to start one. I’d suggest first reading our How to Write a Resume article.
This article. Read it. Or don’t, really. If you need to be told that your resume needs to be consistent in the message its conveying, then you might want to give it a read. I really don’t want to get into it too much since they are assuming your current resume wouldn’t get you a job flipping burgers at the Burger King.
Tips for Updating Your Resume (summarised by thepoliticalnarrator)
- Add what needs to be added.
- Declutter your resume.
- Make it look nice.
- Be more specific than you’re already being.
- Check your grammar, for fuck’s sake.
- Make it look nice once more. People are superficial like that.
- Save the goddamn thing, will you.
Now, if that’s still not enough for you to go on, and you´re like, “uhm, hey, but, I think you’re, like, being reductive here”, then there’s always in-depth articles like this one on “6 Words That Make Your Resume Suck”. So, pay attention now:
- You have never been, and will never be “responsible for” shit. It makes you sound like a nanny.
- You are not “experienced”.
- Really, fuck your “excellent written communication skills”.
- You’re not a “teamplayer”.
- Neither are you “detail-oriented”. You who are? Those Chinese factory workers who glue together the fucking motherboard of your computer 8 hours a day.
- You’re not “succesful”. Come on, man. Who do you think you are? Donald Trump?
That’s actually not bad. I checked my resume, and none of these words are in there. Hence, accordingly with the above logic, my resume does not suck. I love helpful articles like this, don’t you?
Man-meter: I feel highly employable now. Which is good for my masculinity!